Tuesday, May 10, 2016

The Funniest Thing Ever Said About Ted Cruz -- and Possibly the Truest

John Boehner's famous quips about Cruz being "Lucifer in the flesh" and "a miserable son of a bitch" rank right up there, but this is, er, pithier...

What else can you say to demean Ted's character that his college
roommate hasn't already said, which, to paraphrase, was, "Ted Cruz
was very annoying. It was like his superpower." And yet, it gets worse.

Okay, college roommates and John Boehner aside, this comment -- by a Rom Roberts -- on a Gawker story has narrowed in on what makes Ted Cruz so special:
“My favorite Ted Cruz story is the time he tried to lay his egg sacs in a tree that was just too young. Thing was, he couldn’t inject the eggs deep enough into the tree and the tree didn’t have the kind of mature bark you need to protect the eggs from predators. Well, wouldn’t you know it, this goon spends nearly all July digging at this tree with his mandibles and slugging these eggs down through his proboscis into the flesh of the tree and he’s proud about it, rubbing his hind legs together and making this sickening whirring noise the whole time. He gets finished and perches himself on a branch to shed his skin and this Blue Jay, just a common Blue Jay comes over and just immediately gets to work pecking at the tree where millions of his eggs were and poof, just like that, a summer’s work is gone. Cruz is furious, we’re all laughing, it was great times. Hell of a stinger though on that little freak.”
Oh, um, yeah, what he said.

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