Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Desperate Douche Bags of New York, New Jersey, Orange County, San Diego, Atlanta, Virginia, Take your Friggin' Douche-Baggin' Pick

Update. Overnight I considered whether douche bag is an unpleasant or inappropriate term. Thinking about it, referencing an archaic hardware device that is, by now, obsolete at least in the U.S. is not unusual when attempting to denigrate bad actors. More popular these days here in the U.S. and also across the pond in the UK is the term "wanker," which, let's face it, is descriptive for sure but no less objectionable. A term of derision is meant, let's face it, to deride. So I'm okay with douche bag, as I went, in any event, for its alliterative qualities. The only true remaining problem, though, is how to deal with the Palins, Bachmanns, etc., of the world. Queens of Crazy, Girls of Gall? A little sexist, wouldn't you think? I'm working on it. (End update.)

For years, I've been sorting through -- and, admittedly, enjoying -- a litany of "worst persons" of the world, planet, universe, day, etc., etc. They're almost always -- in the left blogosphere, anyway -- well, douche-worthy.

A blog or two ago, I had my Hall of Shame, and peoples who found themselves there were appropriately shameful. But I'm afraid that recently the number of people qualifying for such, er, um, notoriety, uh, seems to be multiplying.

Funny how this Democrat manages to be my first douche bag. Wasn't a hard pick.

I'm sorry for his wife, Huma, from all accounts a really decent human being. Beyond that, I'm not weighing in, except for, uh, Weiner, WTF? Oh, and totally, completely go away. Seriously.

I'm not completely sure Anthony Weiner is as big a douche bag as people might immediately be thinking, since, he's about as much TOAST as, say, A-Rod.

Right, it was Ryan Braun who just got suspended. A-Rod? Uh, bigger douche bag.

Not to leave out Ryan Braun, except to say, make these guys go away. I used to be a sports fan, with baseball my life-long favorite. Now, my fan status is, well, I still root for the Giants and A's. For now.

I changed my mind. Fuckin' douche bag. Go away. Boo him every AB. Forever.

What do these athletes have in common with politicians and pundits? They lie, cheat, steal, build false arguments, use sophistry, straw dogs, (in the case of athletes, drugs to make themselves money, achieve fame and garner trophy wives), any means to make more money, gain more fame, accrue more power, and so forth. Scammers all.

Go away, the lot of you.

Almost forgot why I threw in Desperate Douche Bags of Virginia. Governor Bob McDonnell -- and his fearless sidekick Ken "Cooch" Cuccinelli, who dabbled in freebies, too -- is so busy accepting gifts, bribes, free trips, dental work for his wife, that he forgot to deny anything because Virginia's ethics laws are so lax that he thought his haircut was going to get him the White House. I'm thinking -- and so is ANYONE WHO EVER THOUGHT HE WAS IN LINE FOR THE PRESIDENCY -- he's lucky if he gets to run for comptroller of the Commonwealth of Vaginal Ultrasounds. Cuccinelli, meanwhile, is running for governor, and his idea of a platform to run on is sodomy, sodomy, sodomy. I mean, dude, sodomy? Why not ethanol, or law and order, or tanks for every Virginia hamlet? Or higher test scores? Sodomy?

Why the long faces, boys? Someone take away your vaginal ultrasounds
and force you to have sodomy in your state? Actually, yeah. Bribes are okay, though.

There is, still, a special level of Hell all its own for Rush Limbaugh. I've never -- aside from the Boston Strangler and maybe Jeffrey Dahmer -- encountered a person as uninterested in helping humankind advance, unless, of course, you want to toss in Wayne LaPierre, as our Rushbo. If I believed in God, I'd ask that He have mercy on Limbaugh's soul. Since I don't, well, okay, no mercy.

I've got two questions for you: What happened to
your brains, and why are you still listening to me?

As for Wayne LaPierre, if we're meant to suffer a calamity, a new ice age, a swarm of locusts, a new Jurassic Age, LaPierre has presaged it, thrown down the marker, heralded the coming of the anti-Christ. Okay, true, I don't like the guy. Find me a reason to? You can't.

The only thing that can stop a bad guy with a gun is a legion of people
that are the opposite of Wayne LaPierre. He gives douche bags a bad name.

Desperate douche bags, one and all. They may have families, lives, fame, money, and, I suppose, cars. Sometimes, I confess, I'm envious of others' good luck. In the case of this passel of puke, sorry, I'm so glad I'm me, with my modest accomplishments and equally modest bank accounts. I'm at least not these losers.

Here's some fun, sorta, at the end of this douchefest, although it forces me to allow the existence of Glenn Beck, who's so batshit crazy I try not to encourage Amerka to notice him just when he seems to be vanishing before our eyes. Or at least before our non-batshit-crazy eyes. Oh well, Glenn Beck back on the agenda is a small price to pay -- especially because he's so hilarious! -- for this rundown of A Bunch Who Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest:

Update.  Okay, didn't want to promote Glenn Beck, so I won't. Mainly because this picture doesn't promote the imbecile. Surgical gloves to pick up and wave a gun? What's it got, cooties?

Or are they white dress gloves? Who is he, Holly Golightly?

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