Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Craven Gatherer: The Thumping

xkcd's usual brilliance:


The conservative movement and its various voices -- official, like the Republican Party, and corporate, like Fox News, and unofficial, like conservative/libertarian bloggers -- have gathered around Internet connections large and small to offer their excuses reasons why they fell to the Obama juggernaut. Here are some samples:
  • Let's face it: Romney sucked.
  • Everyone knows that the mainstream media was in the tank for Obama.
  • Fact checkers had it in for Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan, in spite of their honorable character and general truthiness.
  • Next time we'll just have to prevail by getting more extreme.
  • It was great to see Ralph Reed back out there again. He was such a help.
  • Maybe it really was Hurricane Sandy. I mean, it couldn't have been Todd Akin, Richard Mourdock, Paul Ryan, Mitt Romney, Linda McMahon, Allen West, Joe Walsh, Darrell Issa, Dan Lundgren, Michelle Bachmann, John Sununu, Donald Trump, Haley Barbour, and Ed Gillespie, could it?
  • I suppose next cycle we'll need to find some Hispanics we don't want to deport.
  • The War on Women™, though a righteous concept, might have been bad politics, especially because there are so goddam many of them. You know, women.
  • Shit. Too bad Jennifer Lopez is a Democrat. Maybe Rosie Perez? Nah. Forget it, just go with Rubio next time, with a black vegan female Hispanic for veep. I mean, they gotta be out there.
  • Next time we're going to need better false ads.
  • @MittRomney i'm running 4 president, 4 pete's sake #let-detroit-go-bankrupt #self-deportation #insanelyfuckingstupid
  • Wait. Jeb Bush speaks Spanish, right? 2016!

Problems might arise if Jeb Bush ran in 2016, but I can't think of any offhand.

As the Republican Party looks to move forward, it would be extremely wise to listen carefully to their old lions, like Rush Limbaugh, for instance:

(h/t Atrios)

This kind of reasoned insight is really going to help reshape the New Republican Party™. Any other examples? Here's one:

Bill O'Reilly's cogent analysis: Barack Obama won because blacks, Hispanics, and women want "stuff." You know, Bill, it's too bad that the white establishment didn't think up something like earmarks, and even worse that they devoured their way of winning votes, which was earmarks. Yep, the white establishment was the part of America that didn't want "stuff." Qu'est que c'est le bridge to nowhere? Yes, Bill, let's hope the New Republican Party™ listens carefully to you.

Here's another pearl of wisdom, this one from Jonah Goldberg at NRO:
In fact, I have a different view from some about the coming wave of recriminations: I welcome it. I don’t know that things need to be vicious or personal, but they do need to be honest. And honesty requires we say things that may feel personal to our friends. This is one of the great and abiding strengths of the conservative movement and the thing I love about it most. Contrary to the conventional wisdom among liberals, conservatives are actually far more willing to examine their dogma and their first principles than liberals or “centrists” are. This has been the source of conservatism’s lasting strength. [Emphasis mine.]
 Good, Jonah, you just keep saying that. It's really going to help with the honest appraisal to come.

Right on cue, the corporate voice of the Republican Party, Fox News, shows its wisdom and leadership:

Who cares if sane market analysts say it's a reaction to Europe, with a dash of the fiscal cliff? Which ain't Obama's fault in the first place.

Here we have Mark Steyn explaining the demise of the Western World because of the "Obama phone":


Finally, let's hope the GOP follow their faithful Rottweiler, Charles Krauthammer:

Talking Points Memo, in it inimitable style, puts it all together:


This will work out very well for the New Republican Party™, don't you think?

Eric Cantor, Majority Leader of the House.

Now underway, I'm told, is the rehabilitation of the Republicans...

Two New Republicans, caught in their native habitat.


  1. Some years ago while channel surfing in my car I listened to Rush Limbaugh angrily decrying the fact that women were ever given the right to vote - even more offensive than his Sandra Fluke comments in my opinion (I am female). Since then its always annoyed me to see the way the republican politicians continued to embrace this man. I don't know if they'll ever admit to their problem with women. Even now they are pointing out only the need for republicans to reach out to Latinos - which, while very true, ignores their problem with women - by far the largest voting block - completely! I am an independent and consider myself a moderate, but in this election for the first time in my life I voted Democrat all the way down the ticket. While my reasons for being turned off by the Republican Party are numerous, their attitudes regarding equal pay, rape victims and contraception alone lead me to believe that only a woman who is self-loathing would vote for them. ~ Natsmavenus

    1. Well said. And I get the self-loathing part. There are women who still wish for the simplicity of the father authority figure, which they transfer to their husbands, but that's often out of religious/cultural beliefs. However, it isn't very modern. As a child of the 60s who embraced the "Our Bodies, Ourselves" declaration by women, I've done my own wash, split the cooking, cleaning, child-rearing, etc. and in return both supported and expected the women in my life to be out in the work place, hopefully succeeding as well as or better than I. I used to call myself a feminist. Now I'm just a man in a man/woman's world. Now let's keep working on the equality thing. It's not easy, but we're winning.